As a teacher and a school administrator, I have seen my fair share of custody agreements. As a school principal, one of my most important responsibilities was to review custody agreements to make sure that we were adhering to the guidelines set by the court.

Time and time again, schools still find themselves in precarious situations when it comes to conflicts between parents over their custody agreements.

Here are 5 things we wish you knew that would help to make everyone’s life a little bit easier:

1. We must stay neutral. Quite often I have found myself speaking with parents who are pleading their case to me about how horrible their ex was, or still is, to get me to take their side and to show favoritism. Please understand even if I agree with you, I cannot take your side. Teachers and school administrators must stay neutral. I cannot write a statement about how horrible your ex is, and I cannot act against the custody agreement because you asked me to. My focus and the focus of my teachers must always be what is best for the child(ren).Getting in the middle of your marital issues would not benefit any child.
2. Please understand your own agreement. Too often I have found myself explaining to parents what their custody agreement says or does not say. They argue with me about what they agreed upon;however,I must follow what the judge signed. Please make sure you understand the terms of the child custody agreement and what it means before you sign it.
3. We must follow what’s written and signed by the judge. Yes, I understand you are working to get things changed, and yes, I understand how hard this is for you. However, until we receive updated documents signed by the court, theschool staff cannotact against the documentation we have in our possession. Also, if you do not have a custody agreement in place yet, we cannot withhold the rights of the other parent simply because you asked.
4. 50/50 is NOT always the best child custody/timesharing agreement for all families at all times. On the surface, 50/50 timesharing seems like the best-case scenario; however, from the school’s perspective, it can cause issues if the wording is vague. As school staff, we would love for agreements to be worded more specifically. Think of the concrete repercussions that could occur unless your timesharing agreement clarifies limits. 50/50 means that both parents have equal rights, and that both can attend parent meetings, receive grades, and take calls for disciplinary issues or emergencies. But 50/50 timesharing also means either parent can add or remove an emergency contact/pick-up person, and that either parent can withdraw or enroll a student in the school. This type of shared parental authoritywithout boundaries can lead to headaches for the school and the child – unless there is additional guidance in your custody agreement. For example, what if Dad adds his new girlfriend as a pick-up person, but Mom removes her and now the girlfriend is at school to pick up the child?We cannot release the child to Dad’s girlfriend because Mom removed her as a pick-up person. What if Mom withdraws the child from our school because she moved, and Dad is unhappy with that decision, so he re-enrolls the child in our school? Now the child is in a different classroom, which is unnecessarily stressful on the child. You can help your family by adding language to your custody agreement that requires consent in writing from both parents for enrollment, authorized emergency contacts, and authorized pick-ups.
5. Please do not use the school staff as a weapon against your ex. No, we will not withhold the school pictures so that your ex doesn’t get them. As a policy, we don’t do petty. No, we will not let you know if the girlfriend/boyfriend was with the child(ren) when they came to school if your custody agreement does not address this issue. No, we will not give you a copy of your ex’s driver’s license so that you can see where your ex lives now. The list can go on.

Unless your request or actions are legitimated by the custody agreement on file, we cannot accept demands to the contrary. We cannot act in place of the court. Teachers and school staff focus solely on what is best for your child.

By Candida Wadsworth, M.Ed.

www.wadseduconsulting.com

Candida Wadsworth has been an educator in South Florida and Las Vegas for 16 years. She is an FAU alumnus and received her Master’s degree in Educational Leadership from Barry University in Miami Shores, Florida. Candida has worked as a teacher, a curriculum specialist, the head of a middle school, an assistant principal, and a principal. Candida has primarily served Title 1 students and their families throughout her career.